This Girl

     I been feeling really empty lately. Like I'm missing something, which I am. Missing someone. I never ever felt like this towards anyone ever. She was my very first official love. It's true that the very first love is the one that hurts the most. It hurts so much, like I'm suffocating off the absense of her presence, it's hard to breath. Our one year anniversary is coming closer and closer and I'm missing her more and more. If only she knew the pain that I'm dealing with right now. I wanna let her know how I'm really feeling but I have this sense that it's not gonna do any difference. 

  I was watching Dear John last night and it reminded me on the conversation we had on that movie. We was supposed to watch that movie together, not alone. While I was watching that movie, I didn't see two white people, I saw me and you. It was like watching myself in a movie. Now a days every love movie I see, I see us. Everytime I see kissing, holding hands, cuddling, eye contact, laughing, sex, I go in a day dream with you in it and wish I was doing everything with you. That's the closest I can come to being with you I guess. I know you're not thinking about me, but I can't stop thinking about you, I can't stop talking about you, I can't do nothing without you in it. Every night I want to cry because you're not with me anymore, but sweat comes out instead. I'm all dried up of tears. How can I put you behind me when all I did was put you before me when we were together. One of the hardest tasks that I have come across so far. Life goes on I guess, but I don't want it to go on without you in my life. Sigh, fuck it, nothing I can do about it. I just miss you so bad, it's scary. I miss you lips, I miss looking in your eyes, I miss holding your hands, I miss touching you, I miss playing in your hair, everything we did together, I miss it. It hurts to know I can't do it again.