Drastic Changes

I've come to realize that I am not the same how I use to be. What the hell is going on? It seems as if life is taking a negative toll on me, like for real. What ever happened to the football fanatic? What ever happened to the guy who use to draw and write poems. What ever happened to the non-violent kid who stayed outta trouble? I'm going through changes that now I'm really starting to realize. I quit on so such stuff it's not even funny man. I'm living a life of nostalgia right now, and can't do anything about it. I have the super urges to go back in time and change everything man. If I did that, maybe I would have a different perspective. As a matter of fact, I know everything would be different. I remember I use to look forward into going to college. How the fuck I go from college bound to military bound within months? It's just me I guess. Everything is just taking over man, and it's not good like on the stroke note. My main dream was to always be an NFL player. I had high hopes on that. Those dreams suddenly vanished out of nowhere. Now, I don't know what I wanna do with my life, and I just don't think college will help me figure out what I wanna do. OOhh well, is all I can say right now. Whatever happens, happens.

S.O.L.D.I.E.R

I've been thinking about school lately, and the thoughts haven't been coming too well. School is just not my thing. I'm not a school boy. Soo much rules that I have to follow. I didn't ask for school, I didn't ask for nothing in my useless life of mine. But one thing I am asking for is the military. I would rather deal with the strict rules in the military than school. As if high school is too much, college is gonna be worse. Besides, I'm academically unfit for college anyways. I have the super urges to make people bleed. To see their blood upon my knuckles. I like to know I hurt someone. Violence is my relief, my cure.

I haven't had a proper family to help me get through with things, but I found them in high school. I have thousands of older sisters. I've always wanted a older brother to talk to, to help me when needed. I found a older in high school. I have little brothers at home and school, just as well as little sisters. Last but not least, I have that one person, my other half, my queen that I've always asked for. Just when I get the stuff I ask for, I have to leave them behind.

Everybody always telling me that college is a great experience, this and that, but so is the military. The word military doesn't even put no kind of fear in my heart, but it puts adrenaline in me. I'm so eager to graduate high school so I can make the step that I ask for. College is too much drama to go through, unlike the military. My anger worsens everytime I know I can't hurt someone. But there's no one to stop me from doing that when I'm in the military. The countdown begins now for my entry to the Marines. Fuck society, fuck everybody and everything that came in my path. All that is only but a mere memory now. I'ma have to distinguish these memories as well and just look forward to my new playground, my brothers in arms, and the bloodshed that I ask for.  

Plain Echoes

I've been so down lately and nobody to talk to that been down the same road as me. So basically I just stayed to myself lately. Hyperventalating on life and gathering myself on who I am and my purpose on this blasted planet. I came to a conclusion that i am nothing more than a extra life on the planet taking up more space, having more money wasted on, and person that as nothing to offer in the world. Today I realized that my attempts to be someone is futile. I want to tell people but no one understands. When I want to be heard, there's nothing but plain echoes that was stuck inside my body. But when I don't want to be heard, it seems like the fucking press wants to know what's going on. When I want to be noticed, I'm like a ghost to everyone, unseen. But when I don't want to be noticed, everyone is around me like flies around a light. The things I never ask for always comes to me with so shit, it's not funny. For now on, I'm just gonna stay to myself, finish school, and go to a place where I want to deal with certain people and if I die, I'd die happy because I don't have to deal with people who pretends, don't care, or has no time for my words. Shit, I doubt ima be missed. I'm just gonna hope and pray everything goes my way.

Karma

Every since I could remember, karma has worked in mysterious ways in my life and I'm starting to realize that. Like the time when I helped murder someone, someone and their assistant murdered someone in my family. That was my wake up call to stop my deviant ways of violent. Another time was when me and my friends jumped someone, then years later, I got jumped. Exactly why I don't jump people anymore. It takes stuff to be done to you to realize wtf you been doing. Now I despise hearing the term"jumping people". Honestly, I can relate myself to the show"Hello, My Name Is Earl" because it's the same situation with him. I use to steal when I was younger. I stopped because I was getting older and it wasn't a thrill anymore and I've been stolen from. Not a good feeling. Sometimes I wish that I could do stuff that other people can't but that's unfair to the human society because that's inconsiderate, selfish and juvenile to not think about other people's thoughts or feelings on what I do to them. Karma never fails in my life. NEVER. But it only works for bad stuff that I do. Because I've been doing nothing but good and good hasn't come back to me. Oohh well, that's life isn't it? 

Pushed To The Limit

Okay, so now everything is finally pissing me the fuck off. Everyone and everything is getting on my last nerves, it's only but a matter of time before my nerves finally snap. School is beginning to be a nuissance to me now. Why do I even still come to school? Maybe I haven't fully decided on going to college because I don't wanna go through another 4 years of stress. It's not my choice to go to school, I'm practically forced to go, but going to the military is my choice. I'll probably will more happier there than fucking school. Now the streets........

The streets has me guessing everyday that I get out my bed. What's gonna happen? Is someone gonna die today? Am I gonna be a victim of robbery? I can't take this anymore. Knowing that the streets are always hostile to anyone. I want to get away badly. But I have nowhere to go until I finish this dreaded year of stress and problems. Happiness for me only lasted but so long, where the fuck did it go? The things that I always want is the hardest to get. But that's life isn't it. Honestly, I fill a little better hitting things, maybe I should hit things more often. I'm happy to have good friends on my side and whatever, but they don't really know wtf I'm dealing with. Some things are just better off not said and I'm starting to realize that. 

And wtf am I always unheard? When I try to talk to people, they always busy or they too dumb or naive to understand wtf I said to them. I think it has something to do with the levels of understanding one another. Maybe my understanding level exceeds everyone else to the point it's too advanced for them. And wtf is women so damn complicated? Like seriously, I think they all have problems or something. Maybe it's just me that they do or say certain stuff to and not others. But on the real note, I'm done with everything. I would probably feel more better if I was isolated on a fucking island or something. Then I won't have to deal with everyone's bullshit. All my buttons has finally been pushed and I'm really starting to malfunction. I just want to be left alone.