Lady In My Life

My happiness as come back to me. Every since we got back together, I've been so happy. Things would try to bring me down, then you would come and sweep them away. You kept me happy, and you still keep me happy. You don't let anything bring me down. You are my sanctuary. Everyone noticed how happy I've been since we got back together. When we were away from each other, it killed me to now that you wasn't my girl anymore, and I tried to cover it up. But you can't cover up love. That was just a test to see if we really loved each other and we passed with flying colors. You don't know how much I love you til the point you're all I think about all day everyday. You make me feel wanted, appreciated, so loved. Never again, that we get separated. You complete me. You're the reason why I be so eager to go to school in the morning. Idk what else to say, I'm speechless. From this point on, I don't think words could express how I feel about you. I thank God that you're still with me. We got three months down, and the rest of our lives to go baby. I Love You.

Consumption of Darkness

Well today I lost my lamp to my darkness. Everything seems so dark inside. No matter how bright I try to make it, darkness is consumes me. Everything feels different now. It's not the same. There's an emptiness in my heart that I felt before. Emptiness is suppose to be nothing, but in my heart, it's a living thing. Today, it came and whispered in my ear" I told you I'll be back".I feel like I have a cloud over my head that will never leave. By myself once again, alone in the dark surrounded by negative vibes. You're the only girl I "officially" loved and I still do. You caused me stress and at the same time, I caused you stress. I love you enough to let you go away from me and the burden of stress I gave you. If I was able to read your mind, figure out what I was doing wrong, I would've fixed it. But wishes is only for the blind people I guess. I thought we was going to last forever, but I guess I'm young-minded for thinking something like that. I would still like to know what I did wrong? Was I lacking something? Was there something I was not understanding? I guess some things is better off unanswered right? Now, I just think of it as we're both freed from relationship stress and relationships isn't my criteria. Some things is just not meant to be for me. We're still gonna be cool, but I'm not gonna look at you the same. If we stay friends, knowing that I have a friend that I once loved is gonna redundantly beat me in my head. Hmmmmmm........ Well, the only think we must do is move forward.

My Inner Thoughts

It seems as if my conscience is getting stronger by the days. The stronger it gets, the closer I get into my mind, the more understanding I have for things. I don't understand how I'm still sane with a conscience like mine. I've been suicidal lately, but seem to come pass those feelings. Things just haven't been seeming right in my life lately. I tend to have no type of guidance in my life. From lack of guidance, I question myself and the world more often. Who am I? What is my purpose on this Earth? Why am I always not helped when I need it?

I didn't ask to be born, I didn't ask for the predicament I'm in right now. I was better off swimming in my dad's ball sack than coming out to this thing we call "Life". I need to find myself. But where do I go to find myself? I've come to find out that life is a game.Everything is played. I need to get away as soon as possible. Why the fuck do I have feelings and emotions? These two things are what's bringing me down, destroying my insides. I wish I could get rid of them. I guess there's a reason why I still have them. I don't know what that reason could be, but I need to be answered. My little sis is right about me. I use to always be nice and never angry most the damn time, but I told her"It's the things that I see happening to everyone that's changing me because I don't want it happening to me." Well if that's the case, I'm doing a shitty as job. I'd be better off if I didn't give a fuck about anything, which I need to do more often. What's the fucking point of this shit I'm in? Ain't shit happening so why am I still in it? I'm better off out than in. I knew nothing was going to change. I hate my fucking self. Am I lacking something? Am I doing something wrong? Time seriously needs to fly because I wouldn't think or feel like this if I was in the Marines. August is the day when these my so called sinister thoughts go away.

Drastic Changes

I've come to realize that I am not the same how I use to be. What the hell is going on? It seems as if life is taking a negative toll on me, like for real. What ever happened to the football fanatic? What ever happened to the guy who use to draw and write poems. What ever happened to the non-violent kid who stayed outta trouble? I'm going through changes that now I'm really starting to realize. I quit on so such stuff it's not even funny man. I'm living a life of nostalgia right now, and can't do anything about it. I have the super urges to go back in time and change everything man. If I did that, maybe I would have a different perspective. As a matter of fact, I know everything would be different. I remember I use to look forward into going to college. How the fuck I go from college bound to military bound within months? It's just me I guess. Everything is just taking over man, and it's not good like on the stroke note. My main dream was to always be an NFL player. I had high hopes on that. Those dreams suddenly vanished out of nowhere. Now, I don't know what I wanna do with my life, and I just don't think college will help me figure out what I wanna do. OOhh well, is all I can say right now. Whatever happens, happens.

S.O.L.D.I.E.R

I've been thinking about school lately, and the thoughts haven't been coming too well. School is just not my thing. I'm not a school boy. Soo much rules that I have to follow. I didn't ask for school, I didn't ask for nothing in my useless life of mine. But one thing I am asking for is the military. I would rather deal with the strict rules in the military than school. As if high school is too much, college is gonna be worse. Besides, I'm academically unfit for college anyways. I have the super urges to make people bleed. To see their blood upon my knuckles. I like to know I hurt someone. Violence is my relief, my cure.

I haven't had a proper family to help me get through with things, but I found them in high school. I have thousands of older sisters. I've always wanted a older brother to talk to, to help me when needed. I found a older in high school. I have little brothers at home and school, just as well as little sisters. Last but not least, I have that one person, my other half, my queen that I've always asked for. Just when I get the stuff I ask for, I have to leave them behind.

Everybody always telling me that college is a great experience, this and that, but so is the military. The word military doesn't even put no kind of fear in my heart, but it puts adrenaline in me. I'm so eager to graduate high school so I can make the step that I ask for. College is too much drama to go through, unlike the military. My anger worsens everytime I know I can't hurt someone. But there's no one to stop me from doing that when I'm in the military. The countdown begins now for my entry to the Marines. Fuck society, fuck everybody and everything that came in my path. All that is only but a mere memory now. I'ma have to distinguish these memories as well and just look forward to my new playground, my brothers in arms, and the bloodshed that I ask for.  

Plain Echoes

I've been so down lately and nobody to talk to that been down the same road as me. So basically I just stayed to myself lately. Hyperventalating on life and gathering myself on who I am and my purpose on this blasted planet. I came to a conclusion that i am nothing more than a extra life on the planet taking up more space, having more money wasted on, and person that as nothing to offer in the world. Today I realized that my attempts to be someone is futile. I want to tell people but no one understands. When I want to be heard, there's nothing but plain echoes that was stuck inside my body. But when I don't want to be heard, it seems like the fucking press wants to know what's going on. When I want to be noticed, I'm like a ghost to everyone, unseen. But when I don't want to be noticed, everyone is around me like flies around a light. The things I never ask for always comes to me with so shit, it's not funny. For now on, I'm just gonna stay to myself, finish school, and go to a place where I want to deal with certain people and if I die, I'd die happy because I don't have to deal with people who pretends, don't care, or has no time for my words. Shit, I doubt ima be missed. I'm just gonna hope and pray everything goes my way.

Karma

Every since I could remember, karma has worked in mysterious ways in my life and I'm starting to realize that. Like the time when I helped murder someone, someone and their assistant murdered someone in my family. That was my wake up call to stop my deviant ways of violent. Another time was when me and my friends jumped someone, then years later, I got jumped. Exactly why I don't jump people anymore. It takes stuff to be done to you to realize wtf you been doing. Now I despise hearing the term"jumping people". Honestly, I can relate myself to the show"Hello, My Name Is Earl" because it's the same situation with him. I use to steal when I was younger. I stopped because I was getting older and it wasn't a thrill anymore and I've been stolen from. Not a good feeling. Sometimes I wish that I could do stuff that other people can't but that's unfair to the human society because that's inconsiderate, selfish and juvenile to not think about other people's thoughts or feelings on what I do to them. Karma never fails in my life. NEVER. But it only works for bad stuff that I do. Because I've been doing nothing but good and good hasn't come back to me. Oohh well, that's life isn't it? 

Pushed To The Limit

Okay, so now everything is finally pissing me the fuck off. Everyone and everything is getting on my last nerves, it's only but a matter of time before my nerves finally snap. School is beginning to be a nuissance to me now. Why do I even still come to school? Maybe I haven't fully decided on going to college because I don't wanna go through another 4 years of stress. It's not my choice to go to school, I'm practically forced to go, but going to the military is my choice. I'll probably will more happier there than fucking school. Now the streets........

The streets has me guessing everyday that I get out my bed. What's gonna happen? Is someone gonna die today? Am I gonna be a victim of robbery? I can't take this anymore. Knowing that the streets are always hostile to anyone. I want to get away badly. But I have nowhere to go until I finish this dreaded year of stress and problems. Happiness for me only lasted but so long, where the fuck did it go? The things that I always want is the hardest to get. But that's life isn't it. Honestly, I fill a little better hitting things, maybe I should hit things more often. I'm happy to have good friends on my side and whatever, but they don't really know wtf I'm dealing with. Some things are just better off not said and I'm starting to realize that. 

And wtf am I always unheard? When I try to talk to people, they always busy or they too dumb or naive to understand wtf I said to them. I think it has something to do with the levels of understanding one another. Maybe my understanding level exceeds everyone else to the point it's too advanced for them. And wtf is women so damn complicated? Like seriously, I think they all have problems or something. Maybe it's just me that they do or say certain stuff to and not others. But on the real note, I'm done with everything. I would probably feel more better if I was isolated on a fucking island or something. Then I won't have to deal with everyone's bullshit. All my buttons has finally been pushed and I'm really starting to malfunction. I just want to be left alone.

I Wish...

I wish I could fly to you whenever you yearn for me. I'd fly right into your window straight towards you. I'd kiss you once I touch foot in your room, lay you down on the bed and kiss you ever so softly so you could feel the passion of my kisses. I'd kiss you everywhere placing my wetness all over you. I'd work my way from your lips, to your neck and further down. I'll squeeze your body towards mine so you can feel my adrenaline rushing through me. I'd slither my hands up and down your back to send chills through you so you would hold me tighter. Our bodies would sync together to feel the same heat, same movement, and same pleasure. We'll feel the same thoughts and vibes of each other. I'd slip your clothes off without my lips coming off of yours. We'd make love physically, emotional, and mentally all at once.Time would slow just for us to feel the pleasure of each other. We'd exchange moans, grips, and souls. I'll talk in your ear passionately so it could vibrate through you. So much would be said in so little words. Then we would cuddle and drift to sleep holding each other going into the same dream place.

I Wish I Could Make This Fantasy A Reality. I wish...

The Nerve of You All

One of the things that ticks me off is trifling ass guys. The giving us bad names nowadays. All I hear is about how a guy did some girl dirty by smashing then leaving, or cheating on them, or hitting them. What makes y'all to stuff like that. It's like y'all don't even think about the girls' feelings. Y'all feed them lies and other atrocities to get what you want. Then at the end of the day, y'all show so much apathy, it's not even funny any more.

But karma's a bitch. When it's done to y'all, then the whole world is to blame right? Y'all get heated. The nerve y'all niggas have. How dare you to even get mad because she cheated on you. When that happens, that's suppose to be a wake up call for y'all, but y'all continue to this with y'all dicks. I always wanted to know why it's okay for a guy to have more than one girl, put it's a crime for a female to have more than one guy? For all that, just don't make shit official and have sex with all the girls you want until y'all dicks turn green and fall off. Spare the drama, and remain calmer is my new saying.

Love Driven

Since sophomore year I had feelings for you. They just kept building rapidly. When I saw you in the hallways, I always put my head down and blushed. When I first conversed with you, I felt I took a big step getting closer to you. Our first conversation made me even closer to you. Then on September 19, 2009, I expressed how I first to you but only to a certain level. I found out a lot about you as you did with me. Knowing the whole time we felt the same about each other, took me way beyond shocked. When you said you'll be my girlfriend, I felt like a millionaire. I wanted to do everything in my will to prove to you that I'm worth being your man. All my feelings jumbled from sophomore year to now jumbled up into one love bubble. I didn't want to love you so soon, but you can't stop the urge of love. When people say that we move so fast, I just say" How about you converse, kiss and think about your dream girl everyday and tell you you won't love her." You make me go insane everyday when you're not with me. Because of you, I changed my life plans. I don't want to be far from you. After wanting you for so long, I just can't let you go. I'd probably end up in a insane asylum because you left. So much stuff is going on in my life and it's trying to put a negative vibe on me. But when I talk to you, or even think about you, it's like everything vanished. I want you to be my high school hunny. I've been so happy since you came into my life, I don't want my happiness to go. I'ma love you until my heart stops beating