Chains of Restraint

     I haven't been here in a while which means I've been pretty good lately. Haven't had any bad news besides today, but it's over with, I don't care anymore. It's true that happiness last but so long, but happiness should be longer for the people who deserves it. I haven't done anything wrong lately, and if I did, I took full responsibility of it. 
     Why can't I be a little more content about myself? Why am I so ungrateful? I ask God for a lot of things lately, and he has given me what I asked for, but yet, I still want more. I think it's not enough. So again, I caught myself asking God to change another one of my insecurities, and I had to stop myself. That's when I realized I have to be grateful for what I have and manage it, but can't blame myself for wanting more, it's human nature to keep wanting. Jealousy has found it's way back to me, and it MUST go, but I don't know how to make it leave. I found out that I have be doing a sin this whole time called GREED. I penalize myself for being envious, greedy, and ungrateful. I'm well aware that it's wrong, but the only reason why I'm like this is because I'm not satisfied with myself. I'm always looking at my flaws, and not strong points. I just there was someone or something that can show me what I'm worth along with the insecurities. 
      Another thing is that my patience is draining out of me. I held myself back from doing a lot of stuff this year all in hopes of... But I came to realize that if it was truly meant to be, then it would've happened a long time ago. I can't wait any longer, I'm going to enjoy my last moments as a teen and do whatever I want before I take my drastic step forward into life. I shouldn't hold myself back anymore. Besides, I'm completely dubious about things going back to normal, so why still hope and wait? No more. No more. No more.