Mama Don't Worry

     My mom has been going through so much. It seems like each new year gets worse for her. It's effecting her so much, and her infected aura of depression and stress is spreading, into me. I can't help but feel her pain, because she shows it, and it hurts me to know that she feels this way, especially when she cries because she feels hopeless. I want to give my mom everything, and it hurts me to know that I can't. It hurts me badly. I want to help her, but knowing that I can't do anything to change how she feels injects more negative into my ever lasting river of hurt, sorrow, stress and depression. This is something I know that I will never be able to fix.
     My mom is killing herself slowly, and she realizes it, but she thinks it's hard to stop. These things that very body is using. I call them death sticks. She knows I don't like when she smokes them, but it's like she doesn't care if she's killing herself. For every stick she smokes, the more poisonous her body becomes to my mind. I can't help but think of death whenever she smokes. She says it's her way to ease up her stress. I don't want her to smoke, but I also don't want her to be stressed. But with one's stress eased, comes another stress risen. What's gonna happen if she becomes very sickly, and has to stay in he hospital? I will not allow my drunken uncle to take care of us. I love him and all, but that's not an option. My step dad already has "his hands full", so that's not even a thought. I try to put this in her head, but it seems like has if I contribute to the poor, and the poor goes to buy liquor or something. It also scares me that while I am going to be in the military, something bad is going to happen to her. I'm so scared of that happening. I want my mom to live to see her grandchildren, but it seems has if she doesn't want to live to see me become 21 at least. If only she wasn't going through so much shit, I think all of this could have been avoided. I wish, hope, and pray for my moms to God quietly everyday so she can become better. Don't worry mama, everything is going be alright =)