My Inner Thoughts

It seems as if my conscience is getting stronger by the days. The stronger it gets, the closer I get into my mind, the more understanding I have for things. I don't understand how I'm still sane with a conscience like mine. I've been suicidal lately, but seem to come pass those feelings. Things just haven't been seeming right in my life lately. I tend to have no type of guidance in my life. From lack of guidance, I question myself and the world more often. Who am I? What is my purpose on this Earth? Why am I always not helped when I need it?

I didn't ask to be born, I didn't ask for the predicament I'm in right now. I was better off swimming in my dad's ball sack than coming out to this thing we call "Life". I need to find myself. But where do I go to find myself? I've come to find out that life is a game.Everything is played. I need to get away as soon as possible. Why the fuck do I have feelings and emotions? These two things are what's bringing me down, destroying my insides. I wish I could get rid of them. I guess there's a reason why I still have them. I don't know what that reason could be, but I need to be answered. My little sis is right about me. I use to always be nice and never angry most the damn time, but I told her"It's the things that I see happening to everyone that's changing me because I don't want it happening to me." Well if that's the case, I'm doing a shitty as job. I'd be better off if I didn't give a fuck about anything, which I need to do more often. What's the fucking point of this shit I'm in? Ain't shit happening so why am I still in it? I'm better off out than in. I knew nothing was going to change. I hate my fucking self. Am I lacking something? Am I doing something wrong? Time seriously needs to fly because I wouldn't think or feel like this if I was in the Marines. August is the day when these my so called sinister thoughts go away.